youre lurking in front of me
I just saw a hot homeless man
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
