She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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