you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
