I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
