Porn is love you can see.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
