What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
