I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
