We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
