fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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