I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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