Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
