JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
