the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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