Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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