bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
