He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
