its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize