Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
