I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
