Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
