That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize