honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
