He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
