i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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