im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
