So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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