Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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