Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize