people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize