so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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