my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
