I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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