The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize