i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize