you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
