Barsexuality is the new black.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
