I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize