he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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