Life is so much better after having sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
