That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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