there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
