there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
