I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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