i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
