I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
