apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize