god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
