mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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