I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
