How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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