this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
