Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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