On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize