Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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