Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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