We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize