fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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