I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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