just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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