Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize