dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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