I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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