if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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