I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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