Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
