I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I could fuck to npr.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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