just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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