Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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