Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My pussy is not your playground.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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