he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
