we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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