Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
