So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
