Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
